Monday, May 11, 2009

STILL SEARCHIN MYSELF!!

The tantrums, the tears, the dilemma & so many unanswered questions!! I wish to add a little Zen to my life through exploring myself... As a child, I dreamt of being a doctor which later changed to becoming an engineer & finally ended as an MBA!!! The good old days when, I used to use my superhero or fairy power to feel safe, focused and happy…

For a long time now, I have wondered what am I supposed to do with my life. I have a degree of passion but have no idea where to start from??? Many a times I have just sit alone in my own mind waiting to get response from within… But what is this wait for?? Well, I have no idea!! The only thing that springs to mind is that I am waiting for some answers. Answers to what?? Well that depends wholly on the questions...

Often I find myself thinking about the future. I dream of having getting married to a wonderful gentleman and starting my own family. I dream of doing great things and being remembered for who I was in life amongst other things!! Although I have these goals, I find that I am not moving forward with the pace I desire to. It is like I am mired by the quicksand of my own indecision…

I yearn to be calmer and nicer to everyone… So what is holding me back? Is it some sort of external force that cannot be resisted? No. That is not the case... The dilemma is the smear picture of the oodles of things I wish to do with my life!! All this time I have been looking outside for answers while I should have directed my gaze inward.

My entire quandary apparently would reconcile by knowing the person that I see when I look into the mirror. At the moment I start my journey to become a better person and I look forward to getting to know who I really am?? My deepest dread is not that I am scarce; my deepest dread is that I am potent beyond limits!! It is my light, not my darkness that frightens me the most!!!