FINDING FAITH IN FAITH...

I wonder why lately I am loosing the emotional balance at the drop of the hat. Is it that I have over-valued people & under-valued my own self or is it the infinite expectations I hold from each of them? I am hurting those whom I treasure the most at no fault of theirs. I wish to right all the wrongs!!

I recognize I am seeking too much perfection from people which has become the cause of my misery. It is incapacitating my performance & my peace of mind. I wish to address all the inner questions which are still unanswered. I am alienating myself from this flashy, selfish & capricious world.

I desire to change my attitude from ‘what is in for me to what in me is for it?’ I need to discover something meanwhile, something from the deepest fold of my being, something that will be a revelation to me. I believe that as long as I am determined, life will be fair to me. After all, it has never failed me!!

I will let go & let God in to reconnect with my own self. God is with me & not against me. Why do I have doubt in my faith & faith in my doubt? I am anticipating a new dawn which will take away all the baggage & return me my real self!!

Soon I will let things go like a bungee jumper who goes to the edge of the cliff & spreads his arms to dive into the valley, to breathe the fresh air, to experience life & death simultaneously! Everything I desire & deserve will soon come to me because I HAVE FAITH IN MY FAITH!!

STILL SEARCHIN MYSELF!!

The tantrums, the tears, the dilemma & so many unanswered questions!! I wish to add a little Zen to my life through exploring myself... As a child, I dreamt of being a doctor which later changed to becoming an engineer & finally ended as an MBA!!! The good old days when, I used to use my superhero or fairy power to feel safe, focused and happy…

For a long time now, I have wondered what am I supposed to do with my life. I have a degree of passion but have no idea where to start from??? Many a times I have just sit alone in my own mind waiting to get response from within… But what is this wait for?? Well, I have no idea!! The only thing that springs to mind is that I am waiting for some answers. Answers to what?? Well that depends wholly on the questions...

Often I find myself thinking about the future. I dream of having getting married to a wonderful gentleman and starting my own family. I dream of doing great things and being remembered for who I was in life amongst other things!! Although I have these goals, I find that I am not moving forward with the pace I desire to. It is like I am mired by the quicksand of my own indecision…

I yearn to be calmer and nicer to everyone… So what is holding me back? Is it some sort of external force that cannot be resisted? No. That is not the case... The dilemma is the smear picture of the oodles of things I wish to do with my life!! All this time I have been looking outside for answers while I should have directed my gaze inward.

My entire quandary apparently would reconcile by knowing the person that I see when I look into the mirror. At the moment I start my journey to become a better person and I look forward to getting to know who I really am?? My deepest dread is not that I am scarce; my deepest dread is that I am potent beyond limits!! It is my light, not my darkness that frightens me the most!!!